Let’s be honest,

we’ve all faked something in our lives. Whether it be faking the truth about who stole the cookie from the cookie jar; faking ill to not go to school/work/out; or even something as simple as faking it till we make it.

It’s just a thing we’ve all done and will continue to do.

But there’s a specific type of faking I want to discuss, and that’s faking friends.

It’s something I’ve been guilty of many times in the past and currently still am. And even today I still use the same excuse over and over again: “I can’t help it, I’m just too much of a nice person to tell them!”

There’s a lie in there, ten letters that make up one big fat lie. “Nice person”. It’s not true, it’s not a real excuse. If I really was a nice person I wouldn’t be in this situation. If I really was a nice person I wouldn’t be lying to something to their face. If I was a nice person I wouldn’t be leading people on, making them think they can trust me, that I am someone who has their back when really all I am is deceiving them to save myself from the guilt that eating me up from the inside.

Each night I tell myself that tomorrow is the day I break it to them. And each morning they come up to me so happy to see my face and I instantly put on the mask of the “best friend” as a reflex. Faking a smile and weakly laughing at the jokes that piss me off so much.

I hate myself for it. I know it’s wrong and the truth is always the best no matter how brutal. But I can’t help it, maybe it’s just the “nice person” in me trying to save everyone else from the heartache I caused.

And I am so sorry that the heartache won’t appear for a very long time.

Sincerely,

Benji

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One thought on “Faking it

  1. Everyone is a nice person, even you. No matter the battles most people try to have manners.. you are special and not fake at all. The fact that you show your true colours is amazing im so proud of you xxx

    Like

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